Celebrity News:

What qualifies a celebrity? What makes a person worth watching on television? Do they have to be smart or pretty or talented?

Not in the case of Perez Hilton. The pink-haired, pudgy gossip blogger is currently featured on no less than two shows: Celebrity Rap Superstar and Perez Hilton Sez. Thanks to some network genius, Hilton is now nose-to-nose with the starlets he was once lens-to-crotch with. He posted pictures on his page of Britney's junk and now he's a "celebrity." Couple this with the new Kim Kardashian reality show on E! and celebutantes are having the best week ever.

Celebutaints might be a more accurate term, though. It seems all you need to be famous now is to film a sex tape or know someone who made a sex tape. What was Paris Hilton's real contribution to Earth prior to hers?

There's Brooke Hogan and Cheyenne Kimball, reality TV chanteuses who didn't even have to compete with others in order to land their own shows. Brooke started on a one-hour special about how she was trying to make it and, next thing you know, she's behind the mic with Scott Storch, starring on Hogan Knows Best. Cheyenne starred in Cheyenne, about her meteoric rise to obscurity, banking on self-fulfilling prophecy. The kids of Newport Harbor: The Real Orange County are on the air, not because they sent in audition tapes from across the country, but because of their parents' financial success. Tila Nguyen once hosted Pants-Off Dance-Off and is now starring in a new bisexual dating show on MTV, A Shot At Love With Tila Tequila, because she has over a million friends on MySpace.

Blame MTV. The Real World creator Mary-Ellis Bunim, in effect, faced two mirrors at each other and the result was endless feedback and no content. No one needs to write or do anything in order to get a show greenlit. Ads for MTV's new show Kaya, clearly state that the drama is scripted. One can only assume this is because kids can't tell the difference between what's fake and what's "real" after shows like The Hills, Made, Laguna Beach, My Super Sweet 16, Hogan Knows Best and The Life of Ryan. The WB needs to make it clear that Smallville is scripted. Your stupid nephew may try to catch a bullet with his bare hands.



In other news, FX has brought back the sitcom It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia for a third season. The show follows five Philly miscreants on their path to unenlightenment. The crew runs a bar and, somehow, the City of Brotherly Love, into the ground. Whether they're rescuing and adopting dumpster babies (then tanning them to make 'em pass for Mexican) or recycling (then hoarding garbage and acting homeless) or trying out for the Eagles (then shooting people while trippin' hard on acid), they do their best to get a piece of the American dream. Sometimes it's hilarious, sometimes not so much. What often sets the show apart is Danny DeVito's genius bits. On the episode "Hundred Dollar Baby," DeVito convinces his daughter to box his rival's daughter, thus avenging his loss 30 years ago. Naturally, the fight ends with someone tripping on a boxing stool and breaking her neck. If you do watch, be careful. It's not for the faint of heart, but at least it's scripted. Maybe this new concept'll be the next big thing.